"If you love big, you lose big..."

Yesterday was exhausting in every form of the word. Nuff said.. Today I would like to post my Aunt Bonnie's eulogy written by my cousin, Kim. Enjoy!







Good Morning. I am Kim Starling and I am Bonnie’s Niece. On behalf of Richard, John, Sarabeth, HannaH and the entire Starling family, thank you for being with us this morning.

In times of grief or joy I always turn to my favorite philosopher and poet, Kahlil Gibran, he writes…

Ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

And so we stand in this hour of separation, united in grief. Losing Bonnie was always a possibility but never an understandable reality. It is only possible to experience the depth of our loss through the enormity of our love and gratitude for having had Bonnie in our lives. I always say, if you love big, you lose big.

Bonnie was born and raised in Dover, she was the free spirited, unconventional daughter of Don and Phyllis Starling, who were hard working and practical parents; with an older brother, Doug that adored his La Bon Bon and a dear pal for a younger brother, Malcolm.

When I was a child, Bonnie lived across the street from my Grandparents and after a proper period of time visiting with my Grandparents, I would usually ask if I could go over to Bonnie’s. Bonnie’s house was fun. There was always very cool music playing and games galore. She taught me cribbage and we played scrabble, backgammon and there was usually a puzzle going.

Bonnie was happiest when her son, John, was there. John was a jewel and Bonnie clearly adored him. She spoke to John like he was a little grown-up.
She wanted to be a cool Mom and she asked his opinion about stuff and taught him things and held to a wish that he would grow up to appreciate the Rock and Roll she loved so well.

Into Bonnie’s life appeared a quiet giant of a man. My uncle George was patient and sweet and had the kindest eyes around. He grounded Bonnie…a bit and they set out to build a new home and a new life in Farmington.

Along came sweet SaraBeth. She was the tiniest infant, born too soon and although she had a challenging beginning, she came into this world highly intelligent and self possessed. Our family enjoyed watching barefooted, hippy Bonnie trying to figure out what to do with this little girl that wanted to wear pink frilly dresses with matching purse and perfect hair with bows. She gave Bonnie a run for her money, in the best possible way. Thankfully, all Bonnie wanted for her children was for them to be themselves, whatever that may be.

Then came darling HannaH. HannaH arrived more like her Dad, shy and reserved with lots of things going on behind those gorgeous George eyes. George built them their dream house in Farmington with the “front door” facing the woods. Bonnie and George built that house one board, one window, one cabinet at a time.

But the road to their dream life in the woods was short with the tragic death of her beloved George in an accident at the Shipyard in 1999.

While trying to pick up the pieces of their lives another kind, generous and gentle friend helped Bonnie and the girls get through this dark time and Richard became a devoted companion to Bonnie. Richard’s care for Bonnie in the last two years has been selfless and a God send.

I admired Bonnie’s ability to be completely herself. Bonnie was an original, she was unique and she inherited from my Grandmother the quality of speaking with no filter, which occasionally got her in some hot water. In this family we have a bit of a short hand…when someone is telling a story involving Bonnie at some point the storyteller will stop say….”because you know how Bonnie is…” or “well, you know how my Mom is…” and we did know. More importantly I think Bonnie knew how Bonnie was; she knew that to love her required patience, understanding and a sense of humor. Bonnie herself had a wicked sense of humor, except occasionally she found herself the only one laughing at something she thought was extremely funny.




Bonnie was very, very smart. A year ago I spent an evening by her bedside at Portsmouth Hospital. She was groggy from some medication they had given her. Jeopardy was on and she answered all but two questions throughout the whole show. More then factual, Bonnie had a grasp on many complex political and cultural topics. While her point of view could be pretty “out there” she certainly had an understanding of all the nuisances of a variety of topics, none more then her favorite topic classic rock and the artists that made that music.

Her life was not easy, but she was blessed to be surrounded in unconditional love and support. There was George and Richard, she raised three amazing kids who loved her very much, two grandkids she adored. She had two devoted brothers who would have done anything for her and occasionally did and a daughter-in-law, sisters-in-law, nieces and a nephew that will miss her dearly.




Bonnie would want us to go on. She would want you to live your lives, to have fun and laugh, listen to music and to cause some trouble once in a while. To go on with joy, purpose and a promise to love and care for each other. She may be gone too soon…but my prayer for Bonnie now is that death has brought her spirit freedom and peace. I have a picture in my mind of Bonnie’s version of heaven, it looks a lot like photos of you have seen of Woodstock. A giant field in the sunshine, love and fun all around her…live music filling the air played by all the classic rock legends, Cream, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin….she is standing in the center of it all…barefoot and dancing, George next to her, and the sun illuminating her face…she is free.

I close with a final passage from Kahlil Gibran...

If you would indeed behold the spirit of death,
open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one,
even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires
lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow
your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams,
for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
For what is it to die
but to stand naked in the wind
and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing
but to free the breath from its restless tides
that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence
shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top,
then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs,
then shall you truly dance.